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Friday, June 22, 2018

Taking Back My Life AKA I was the one who gave it away so I kinda deserve all the bad shit that happened

The times they are a changing, and to be honest most things are not for the better. Yet this post is not about the state of world affairs.  In fact this post is about how I decided to just control the things I can control...and the only things I can control involve me.
Instead of

I have decided to remove myself from all things that bring out negativity in others or myself.
No blame game will this post be....
I am owning the choices I make 100%.
That means I can't complain about what others are doing....
I just remove myself from any situation or person that just does not feel "right".
By "right" I mean
right for me.

Making my life the way I want it to be is quite easy.
Stop worrying what anyone else is
and focus solely on the things I want to accomplish
and well
get shit done.

Goshen, NH.
Pole Barn Vintage

I have always dreamed of having my own space where I can share my love of repurposed and vintage items with others.  My passion has always been taking broken and discarded things and remaking them into something someone will love.  I am not a fan of consumerism, and have as I have become older embraced a simpler way of living my life.  I don't want to accumulate more things BUT I love finding unwanted unloved items and fixing them up and selling them for a few pennies.  The money goes to my second passion, my gardens, and to my third passion teaching STEM.

Opening weekend is next weekend and I am very excited to work through all the last minute details.  Commuting between my home in Hopkinton and my home in Goshen is another choice that I made based on what makes me HAPPY.  Hopkinton is convenient to work and the house has been transformed in the few years living gardens are to me a magical place.  Yet, the lake community there is just not something I fit in with; too loud, too many people, too many motorized boats and skidos and the traffic is a nightmare.  No my weekends and my summer will be spent in Goshen.

I run every day in Goshen  I have the lake and the mtns right out my front door.  Unlimited trails to explore.  I run because it makes me happy now...not for anyone else but me.  I am signed up for two races this year and that may be one too many.
looking back 15 years ago running trails became my bliss.
But that changed for reasons I don't need to bring back up (but if you go back in this blog it is clear to see) and then it became my obsession
My drug of choice.
It was a way to hide from the sadness and pain....
and then
it became something even worse
it became something I did for others approval.

For the past year I have radically changed my path...
Two roads diverged and I decided to bushwhack.

Now everything is mine again...
all the good and the bad
my choice.
The truth is I let the things I love be distorted and corrupted. I was stupid enough to believe self worth comes from "others" when in truth it can only come from within.  I believed people were my friends who really did not love me, but instead called me "friend" when it benefited them.

That is the past now so....
no use crying over spilt milk.
It doesn't really matter anyway because I decided to take it back...
my story.
We all have one, but if we are not careful "our story" is used by others solely for their personal gain.
In the process of taking it back I may have lost many things,
I may no longer exist in the ultra or endurance community,
I can count on one hand the people I talk with or text or email in a month,
but who gives a shit : )
I am starting a brand new chapter. 
It doesn't matter who reads it...
but if you choose to...
welcome to my story.